So this is pathetic, but I started this blog 8 months ago, and I was so excited to write and share, and for some reason, I just didn’t. I don’t know what was my problem with motivation, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I hope this time I will develop some sort of a routine or a schedule I can keep up with, so I am motivated to post more regularly.
I am back and ready to rant!
I am still loving Italy. I am still in awe of how beautiful the region I live in is. I still get excited about exporing new parts of this country. I hope that feeling of amazement never goes away. However, I have to get real about something.
Ready to hear some venting? Haha. Well, lately I have been having an overwhelming feeling of missing out. Missing out on my Los Angeles life (LA FOMO) which I had to part with a year and a half ago. I miss LA and everything it holds. I miss my friends, I miss my silly brother, I miss my coworkers, I miss the passion of all the creative people one can meet at any given moment of any daylily routine. I miss the funkiness, the glamor, the hipsters, the craft cocktails, the rooftop bars, the apartments that come with pools ( I especially miss my Pasadena flat today during temperature that is close to triple digits in Trento, this heat is real!) I miss the concerts, the venues, the art exhibits, the art walks…. You got the point. I freaking miss my life in LA!
I have been feeling like this for several months now. Sometimes I want to slap myself for not being more grateful for where I am now, but then I realized I AM NO A MACHINE, and MY FEELINGS ARE VALID and I just need to analyze it, understand it and then do something about it.
To identify the source of my LA FOMO, I had to break it down for myself, what were the reasons I was feeling like this?
Some soul searching pointed to the fact that I feel useless as a professional. I had an incredible job before I moved. I was working with most amazing women who taught me how important it is to support each other, to respect each other’s opinions and beliefs, and how rewarding it is to help women around you reach their goals with positive encouragement.This job made me feel very important and appreciated. Since I’ve moved, I have been only able to get a handful of freelance jobs which unfortunately didn’t lead to more business. Freelancers, it seems like are not very respected here in Italy. I am no big fish “yet”, meaning I don’t have a big agency representing me or a collective, so I am kind of seem like a creative vagabond who supposedly enjoys working for scraps. On top of it all, my Italian language skills are still very far from conversational, so to “sell” myself sorta speak, and promote my skills to Italians is a frustrating task, to say the least.
Another reason I found for my LA FOMO was that I have very creative friends who are either starting a lifestyle or a fashion blog or starting their creative agencies, or trying to create new products and/or services, and I find myself wishing I was there so I could be part of whatever they are dreaming up and conducting. I feel like I could be of assistance to them, and could even start a brand of my own.
The last but not least, the reason I believe I am feeling so helpless is perhaps that I live in a very small city with limited opportunities for socializing. I miss doing fun stuff with my friends. Going for brunches and bitch about stuff, or motivate each other to be active and go for walks and workouts only so we can drink beers and eat fatty foods right after… I miss my girlies who love me and respect me the way I am. It took me a very long time to filter through and see who my real friends were. These the friends that you don’t have to talk to every day and check in, but when you meet again it is as if no time has passed, and nothing had changed. You still laugh at stupid stuff with them and exchange anecdotes. These are the friend that no matter what they will always be there for you. I love you and miss you my loves! (You know who you are)
What will I do now to kick LA FOMO?
I have been going through LinkedIn job board almost every day. I have applied already to several places here in Italy. I think I will just continue doing that in hopes to find a company where someone with my creative skills, experience, and English/Russian speaking abilities could be appreciated. Not going to lie there are days when I have to try hard to not lose hope.
I will also concentrate on writing this blog. I have tons of travel recommendations, photos to share and stories to tell about my life before, during and after Italy. I will just live in the moment. One thing I have learned back in my mid 20’s when I was single for several years, is how to enjoy my own company. I know it sounds maybe a bit weird, but I think it’s a very important skill, especially now that I live away from my exciting social life. I learned to never get bored. I can fill my time with reading, writing, painting, watching documentaries or silly trash TV, I can go for walks, take self-portraits, go to a museum, go have a coffee at a local cafe and sketch people. I think boredom is a very easy thing to eliminate when you are a curious person, and you will not find a more curious person than me 😉
If any of you are finding yourself in the same FOMO boat about places you’ve moved away from, please let me know in the comments. Let’s vent together!